The truth is there is nothing left behind my smile.
No place to sit and rest awhile
No sadness fought and overcome
No wisdom left for anyone.
I’ve gained so much and haven’t lost
but I’ve been so terrified for my path to be crossed
with tears and hate and pain and strife
that I have walked all through my life
with my eyes cast down and shoulders braced
against the happiness I’ve faced–
Happy enough though I have been
If I could do it all again,
I’d be brave enough to not fear death,
To not shield my eyes or hold my breath,
I’d take my fears and hold them fast
Till every ill-fated die had been cast.
And when I stood upon that shore
where so many a soul had stood before
I could stand up straight and tell my story
In all its mistakes and accidental glory.
But all this is but a dream–
the way that my life could have been.
Now I wait in silence steady
and hope and pray that I am ready
and think back on my life’s quiet days
and offer forth no song of praise.