The Breach

I fell asleep in no-man’s-land,
With flower petals in my hand.
Above my head an orange sky
Blows angels’ flight paths all awry.
We fell in love like dreamers do,
with sound and fury and ado.
We pinned ourselves to each other’s breast
And let the world do the rest.
We held our hands with spiky smiles—
Secrets, intrigue, lovers’ wiles—
Our paths were bound to wander down
Into each wasted bitter town,
And crest again those wanton shores,
And leave us always wanting more.
Alone I sleep, till some long hour
When I’ll restore this broken flower
Once more to that dear breach I sought
To lose once more the battles fought.

© K Paige Medina 9/5/2016

Should Have Been

You should have been here.
We should have been these
Lovers, fingers twining
Beneath tabletops and sheets
Glancing with eyes like firelight
Secrets dancing
Shared
Promises hanging like smoke
Or nets
Above the dinner table
Laden with plates and cups.

It should have been you
Plying willing fingers,
Slipping breathlessly into
Smiling silence,
Looking,
Seeing,
Polishing our sweetest words
Meant for each other.

But I am alone,
Fingers laced with rings
You did not give me,
Enveloped in smoke,
Holes in my socks
With no one to hold me.

Lover I lost,
Your lingering distaste
For my incessant need to feel
Reaches like long fingers
To wrap my memories in tears.

© K Paige Medina 9/4/2016

Capsized

We walked into each other
Like the sea touching the sky–
Full of hopeful purpose
Without ever asking why.
We were lovely then and braver
Than we thought ourselves to be,
With the wind behind us beckoning
Us toward a soft and simple sea.
It wasn’t that we somehow stopped,
Or ever once awoke
And saw our lives a dismal thing
And the sea a vat of smoke;
But rather that we both pressed on
Though clouds heaved storms and rain,
Refusing to see the hardened lines
Ground deep into our veins.
We swore our oaths like sailors who,
Upon encountered gales,
Bark out their words to steel the sea
And make winds fit to sails.
But there never fonder captains were
Than we two once had been,
As, struggling toward horizons yet,
We succumbed to the ocean.

Our sailors’ cries still haunt the waves
Of my soul’s restless seas–
Yet heartsore from the bitter winds,
Yet shipwrecked, yet I find ease.

©8/1/2016 K Paige Medina

The Last Few Days

Did I give up love
For this arranged marriage,
This stranger,
Cackling,
Broken,
Embracing me with her fear?
What, then, is love
If in the midnight throes of this
Strange body’s upset,
I suddenly feel myself discovered,
Bound up in a mistress
Who is myself
And my wife,
Who is not any of us?
This dark thing,
A creature of my own design,
Brought to life by the echo
Of my own discontent.
Villain of my own heart,
Harpy with my voice,
Must I love you?
Claw out my eyes and make me profess your beauty.
For I am but a soul adrift
In the vastness of your witchery and theft,
Beckoned, drowning,
Down
Into the hell of your heart.

The golden light of longing
In the dark of discontent
Has led my feet too many times
From the path for which they’re meant.
The call of something better
From beyond a wayward turn
Sets my heart to promises
And my restless feet to burn.
It’s the strange impossibility
Of hope beyond defeat
That keeps me walking forward
Towards mirages in the street.
You called yourself a prophet
But the harder task is still
To calm my heart to silence
Through sheer force of will.

Romantic though the thought may be
To wander on forever,
There never was a lonelier road
Than this, stretched, ending never.

It’s the fire knowing it is not the smoke.
It’s like all the yeses in the world saying no.
It’s being all alone at night
And saying this is still alright,
That’s called home.

We’re just shadows of ourselves, darling.
We sit and stare at the beginnings of ourselves.
And when we look into the sky
And we’re only asking why
When we’re waiting for the answers
Then we’re home.

It’s like watching the rain
And seeing oceans.
It’s like when we laugh and all we hear are tears.
All the patience that we’ve given,
All the faults that we’ve forgiven,
Are we moving toward the end
Or are we home?

Don’t tell yourself you’ve never been in love.
Don’t wait because it’s never been enough.
When you’re wishing for a dream
That never asks for being seen,
If you’re looking for yourself,
You look for home.

©7/15/2016 K Paige Medina

A Heart of Water

I hold a heart of water
In the caverns of my chest,
Whose beating waves keep lapping;
Who never stops to rest.
Its coolness tells a story of
Both depth and bitter pain;
Of sinking into passions that
One heart cannot maintain.
This heart I hold is far too wet
To stand all on its own,
But far too changeful, regrettably,
To be another’s home.
It moves in tides and shimmers still,
A lovely siren’s heart,
That sings through night tides wistfully,
“Oh, let us never part.”
But in the morning it is plain
This heart is now too shallow,
For love cannot find purchase here;
The pools are all too fallow.
The lover, disappointed, leaves,
Feeling restless and betrayed,
Impatient for a calmer heart,
Whose songs are quieter played.

But this heart of water bears the pain
Of each unfettered guest
And each new song sings more deeply
Of regret than all the rest.
So if you find yourself adrift
In this heart’s stormy seas,
Merely listen to the songs of love
And do not fear the breeze.

©K Paige Medina 7/10/2016

Poison

It’s the poison smell of morning
In the hinterland of night
When my eyes are shot with spears
By the promise of daylight.
Will I ever dream of winter
Without feeling so alone?
Can I brave the heights of mountains
Without thinking once of home?

It’s the sharpened chill of wood
Edging deep into my heart
Like the words chained to my spirit,
“Let us never be apart.”

©Kaitlyn Medina [6/22/16]

Orlando

The darkness of a keening world,
no longer bared to light–
the untipped scales of one man’s hate
prowling through the night.
We reach for answers like a shield
that blocks us from the truth
that wafts away like gunsmoke or
the impermanence of youth.
The nights we sought to quell the sound
of being all alone
were shattered into violence
the minute we found home.

By morning light we heard the news,
awoken into fear
by bitter voices importuning
how could this happen here?
These others, fallen shells of hope,
these others who have sinned,
we kept them far away from us,
the self-righteous, till the end.

Nostalgic for the silence of
indifference or fear,
no glooming peace this morning brings,
no peace at all, for we’re
the judges and the jury
for the ones we left to die
collective in their plaintive call,
the hardest question—“why?”

Why did we leave them in the night,
these vibrant castaways
to suffer judgment all their lives
until one violent man’s choice sways
the opinions of the populace
into graceful mourning sounds
as if we held them close to us,
as if we’d ever found
a reason to see in them
some of our humanity–
no, now it is our turn to cry,
“why’d you take them away from me?”

We’ve torn ourselves asunder
trying to pronounce the blame,
but truth is we’re all culprits
in a crime we’ve yet to name,
that states we’ll sit in silence
through intolerance and bigotry
until we feel absolved through
some new mass tragedy.

Awaken into struggle
do not fear your life’s true pain,
Offer up your sacrifice of loss,
Don’t let it happen again.

[6/13/16]
© K Paige Medina

The Time of Goodbyes

The feathers of belonging
Darling, they become you.
Where you are going
Will you remember the way
The lights dance on the rain?
Will you remember how to be cold,
Your lips all dry and cracked?
Don’t forget the sound of midnight
In October.

Lovely,
In your hours of absence,
I will remember the way
Your face struck the bar light.
We are in love.
We are forever.
I will be where you are not
Even as you are where I cannot be.

Remember me
As I am after the wine.
Remember you
As you are
When you are.

for JCB

[10/22/15]

Golden

In the golden hours of your dreaming,
When all the world is warm and true,
Whose hand is in your golden hand?
Who crests the edge of night with you?
I wish I were a gentler soul
So I might meet you where you stand,
Or be at least the place you walk–
I wish I were that silver land.
But I am not that paragon,
No unspoiled ivory tower I,
I cannot join you where you go
Wild boy, true love of mine.

[9/22/2015]